 Michael Bloomberg,
the Democrat, turned Republican, turned Independent New York
mayor will tell anyone who will listen that he is
absolutely, positively not running for President.
President? Of the United States? Please, why would I
possibly be interested in that -- I mean, I'm already a
MAYOR.But all the
questions about whether he'll run have distracted people
from asking a far more important question: does anyone
really care? I get that everyone loves the candidate who
isn't in the field yet -- Fred Thompson comes to mind -- but
what do people outside of New York even know about this guy?
The Real Story is that it's apparently not very much. 40
percent of Americans have no opinion of him whatsoever.
Another 23 percent view him unfavorably, but you've got to
think that number would be a lot higher if all the red-necks
and village idiots who live in Hickville (otherwise known as
"the heartland" to those who don't live in New York City)
had any clue as to what this guy is really all about. So,
since we broadcast from Manhattan, let me give you flyover
state simpletons a quick primer.
Like most cities, New York has poor people here. Those
people are poor because they have a shortage of money.
Meanwhile, there are other people, including our billionaire
Mayor, who have a surplus of money. I think you see where
he's going here! If we take the excess money and give to
the poor, then no one will be poor anymore!
But the real genius is in how we decide to dole out the
funds. Since Bloomberg was a conservative for like four
minutes, he wants to make sure you earn it; no free handouts
from him.
Attend a parent-teacher conference at school and you get $25
bucks. Take six seconds to check on how your kid did on a
test...get another $25 bucks. If you can convince your kid
to go to school 95 percent of the time, you get another $25
bucks...and so on.
You can quote, unquote, "earn" up to about $6,000 dollars a
year under the plan, which is privately funded for now, but
would likely expand to a public program if it's
successful...and by successful, I of course mean that we've
made really bad parents pretend to temporarily care about
their children for cash. I think that famous proverb
applies beautifully here: "Give a man a fish; you have fed
him for today. Teach a man to fake that he cares about
fishing, and you've fed him for tomorrow." |
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