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GLENN BECK PROGRAM
BEGIN TRANSCRIPT
GLENN: From Radio
City in Midtown Manhattan, hello, you sick twisted freak.
Welcome to the program. Glad you're here. You know, may we
stop the music here just a second? Because I'd like to get
very, very serious about -- stop the music, Dan. I need to
get -- could we please have some respect? We're about to
talk about the savior Al Gore, and I know a lot of people
don't like to look at him as the savior but I believe he is.
Can I get an amen?
DAN: Amen (whispering).
GLENN: Al Gore is preaching the truth! Can I get an amen?
DAN: Amen (yawning)
GLENN: Al Gore is trying to save this planet while George
Bush betrays this country. Can I get an amen?
DAN: Amen.
STU: Amen (whispering.)
GLENN: The whole world is in rapture, the truth finally
being spoken from high, what I was going to say, high upon a
mountaintop but it's more like high in a big, you know, G5,
which is a very sweet ass jet. But he's in that jet right
now and he's singing. He's singing the truth. He's brave
enough to speak it. Usually not in its entirety and
sometimes a little misleading, but he's speaking portions of
the truth. Can I get an amen?
STU: ... amen.
GLENN: Stu, hang on just a second. I'm sorry. I'm sorry to
-- I'm sorry to leave the pulpit here for a second but I
just notice that Stu is taking down our planet in peril
poster.
STU: Pardon me?
GLENN: You are hanging that back up, aren't you? On one side
-- I got it out of USA Today. On one side it's a planet in
peril. It's a poster. On the other side it's a calendar.
STU: Yes, it is.
GLENN: So we can have it there the whole year.
STU: Yes, it is.
GLENN: Why did you take it down?
STU: It fell down, Glenn. My first guess here is that the --
because it was held up by scotch tape, that the Earth has
warmed since we hung it and it's loosened the ties.
GLENN: Can I get an amen?
DAN: Amen (whispering.)
GLENN: So Al Gore gets off his G5 and he immediately goes to
Arizona for a party celebrating his Nobel Peace Prize, and
he had big wigs from Coca-Cola -- hang on. Might have to
give up Coca-Cola. Anyway, had big wigs from Coca-Cola --
damn it. Pepsi was there as well, Toyota, AT&T, Home Depot.
Environmentalists love Home Depot. When I think of an
environmentalist haven, I think of the place where they've
got a whole bunch of lumber sitting there. They all arrived
at a -- 90 guests flew in from all over the country and they
arrived at a chic restaurant in a caravan of Toyota Priuses.
No media was allowed at the dinner and here's what they --
here's what they had. They had seared tuna. Hey, Stu?
STU: Yes, Glenn?
GLENN: You know you're supposed to think globally, act
locally, right?
STU: You should act locally but then think globally.
GLENN: Think globally, right. Have you ever had some of that
really good desert tuna from Scottsdale, Arizona?
STU: You know, I haven't.
GLENN: It is so sweet and succulent.
STU: Because it doesn't seem like that it would necessarily
be the best environment to --
GLENN: You'd think that but, you know, you've got to think
globally but act locally. So they had seared tuna and it was
curried with eggplant and then they had miso-cured, wasn't
that -- no, that was miso-horny. Miso-cured Alaskan
butterfish?
STU: Glenn, I'm sorry. You just misspoke. That was miso-cured,
Scottsdalian butterfish.
GLENN: No, it's Alaskan butterfish. It came in from Alaska.
STU: They were thinking globally -- what you're thinking is
they are acting globally and thinking locally. That's not
what it is. They are acting locally and thinking globally.
GLENN: Stu, you are thinking that. They are only called
Alaskan butterfish because they used to only be found in
Alaska but now because of global warming, Alaska is hot and
Arizona is cool. The butterfish were starting to melt and so
they walked down to Arizona. I'm sure that's what it is.
STU: Is that why -- that's why they are called butterfish
because they were melting like butter.
GLENN: They were melting like butter and, Greenland, Iceland
--
STU: No, Greenland is the icy one. Iceland is the green one.
GLENN: It was never -- it was named Greenland because you
couldn't see any green. You would never see trees.
STU: Right.
GLENN: It was always covered in ice.
STU: Thank you. That's because it's never been warmer than
right now. That's how we know that.
GLENN: That's right, that's right.
STU: There was a nation of colorblind people who thought
green was white.
GLENN: Do you realize there are some people that actually
think the H on your little hot water tap and the C, that it
stands for hot and cold and, you know, it's always been that
way?
STU: No, no, definitely not. That was reversed.
GLENN: It was reversed. Used to have the hot coming out of
the cold water and the cold coming out of the hot water,
just like Greenland has always been covered with ice, thus
the name Greenland.
STU: Greenland, land of green.
GLENN: So anyway, they had the Alaskan butterfish which I
hear is so perfect, especially this time of year. Then they
had a guinea hen. I don't know where guinea hen, are those
from New Guinea or Old Guinea? I'm not sure. But they were
hens from Guinea, or just guinea hens. I'm sure -- if it's
from Scottsdale, I'm sure they went and they have free range
guinea henned areas where you can take them -- well, you
wouldn't want to shoot them because guns are wrong, but you
would go out and you would hunt them with your hands there
on, like, Central Avenue. You would go to have them in
Scottsdale but you would have them, like, in Phoenix.
STU: Well, I would assume they were more local than that.
GLENN: Then you had Kobe strip loin. So you've got beef from
Japan.
STU: Not necessarily.
GLENN: Yeah.
STU: I don't know. Maybe it was perhaps purchases by Kobe
Bryant who is in nearby Los Angeles and maybe --
GLENN: Good, good.
STU: The farmer that raised the cattle.
GLENN: Maybe it's the fruit of the loins of Kobe. Could be.
You know we have an overpopulation problem. Maybe they
killed Kobe Bryant's children and ate their loins.
STU: I hope not. That would be wrong. It's terrible.
GLENN: That would be bad but it's an overpopulation problem
that I think we need to talk about. Then they had butter
poached lobster medallions.
STU: The lobster in Scottsdale.
GLENN: In Scottsdale the lobster is great.
STU: When I think globally but I act locally and that's how
I know that this --
GLENN: Then they had green martinis specially made for them,
green.
STU: So those would be icy because Greenland is icy. So the
martini would be frozen.
GLENN: Yes, but they would be melting, just like Greenland.
STU: Just like the polar bears. They are melting, too.
GLENN: So just a recap here. Looks like they had something
from around Hawaii with the tuna, they had something from
the Pacific. Then they had -- they flew in some butterfish
from Alaska. Then I don't know where you get guinea hen
from. I mean, you know, they drove that in from downtown
Phoenix. Then they had strip loin from Japan. Then they had
the lobster from the Atlantic and then the green martinis.
So --
STU: Yeah, but this is a little misleading. What if -- we
should obviously consider that this man won a Nobel Peace
Prize for lowering -- not lowering CO2 emissions but talking
about or making a movie about CO2 emissions.
GLENN: And not being willing to sign any kind of pledge that
he himself, the grinch, will stay on the same CO2 emissions
that he's at right now. He won't sign a pledge that says I
will not increase my carbon footprint, I promise and pledge
that my carbon footprint will be exactly the same as it is
right now, he won't take that pledge.
STU: Wouldn't -- I don't know why he would.
GLENN: No.
STU: Because he wants to lower them. That's not going to be
the same.
GLENN: Why would you do it when the country has to do it?
It's not going to be him that will do it. It's the country
that has to do it.
STU: He's the one that's been talking about it. If you think
about it, Glenn, yes, these products from came over. You are
assuming they were flown in.
GLENN: I said the butter fib walked.
STU: What happened if, you said the hen, the guinea hen.
What if the guinea hen flew over to Japan, picked up the
Kobe beef, flew back emission free, then they just killed
the hen there because then you have both.
GLENN: Doesn't explain the lobsters or the butterfish.
STU: Well, maybe the butterfish stopped by the lobster. They
are both sea creatures. When he was walking by.
GLENN: Okay. Anyway, let's not overthink this. I did, by the
way, come up with another indigenous menu for Phoenix. If he
ever wants to do it again and he wants to just -- I mean,
remember, please. Think globally but act locally. Only buy
food that you can grow around you. Don't import. Don't go to
these supermarkets. Don't go to these supermarkets! Go to
organic farmer markets. Only eat the food that can be grown
around you. Jeez, how many times do these people have to
tell us before they'll -- before we finally catch on and
realize that that's good for us and bad for them but good
for us? My gosh.
So here's the -- if we want to think globally but act
locally and let's say, Stu, I win, I don't know, some
skating memo -- medal, okay? Because I am trying to point
out that the ice rinks in America are all a little warmer
than they were last year and the ice on the ice rink is
melting and I get some award for bringing attention to that.
STU: So slush skating?
GLENN: Yes. And I get the slush skating medal.
STU: Right.
GLENN: And we decide, let's go to Phoenix because we're
talking about global warming, let's go to the hottest place
on the frickin' planet.
STU: And take a plane to get there.
GLENN: And take a plane to get there and get people to fly
in from all over the country and get imported food.
STU: All this is obvious.
GLENN: Then I say, hey, hey, hey we're skaters, damn it, we
care about the slush skating and I'm not going to be a
hypocrite! So here's our menu. We're in Arizona. First, we
start with a nice scorpion al orange, then we've got a
little bit of cactus. I happened to find an owl in one of
the cactus. I have to actually -- I'm being taken to jail
because I cut the cactus down and I didn't realize that it
was a protected thing that grew out of the ground. So I --
but anyway, don't eat the cactus because then you don't want
to know the red tape. But the owl I found in the cactus. So
I know there's 90 of you, but maybe somebody can have an
eye. Bill, you can have the beak, the upper beak. Stu, you
get the lower beak.
STU: Mmm, most tender part of the beak.
GLENN: And wash it down with black widow spider leg juice
and right now we're defanging the black widow spiders. But
I'm just trying to think globally but act locally.
STU: And by locally, you mean the place you flew to?
GLENN: Yes. I -- yes. In the giant G5 jet. But I'm carrying
such an entourage now and the awards and the medals and the
statues, they're all starting to build up. I may need to
upsize to a Boeing business jet.
STU: Yeah, and that's some extra fuel because you need that
for a heavy load.
GLENN: It's green fuel. You know, a lot of people don't know
this. It's green fuel.
STU: Jet fuel is --
GLENN: If you can mate green martinis, you can't make green
fuel? Hello, you put a little dye in it, don't think about
that too long.
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