GLENN BECK PROGRAM
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GLENN: Comrade, comrade Stu.

STU: Comrade?

GLENN: Come rally around our scarlet banner.

STU: How about this great Russian car we've got going on?

GLENN: It's great, isn't it?

STU: It's kind of like gray and --

GLENN: Someday it will start.

STU: Oh, yeah, sorry.

GLENN: I want that flying car!

STU: How about them Bolsheviks, huh?

GLENN: They were good.

STU: They were great.

GLENN: So I'd like to sing to the motherland, you know, the home of the free, but comrade.

STU: Yes?

GLENN: I was reading in Pravda. Pravda less.

STU: Before you get though that real quick, remember what a great job our system did building that nuclear plant in Chernobyl? I mean, who needed a containment facility?

GLENN: Hey, hey, may I just say it was so good, it's now a sacred Soviet site. So sacred, you shouldn't go.

STU: Oh, no, you definitely should never step foot on that land. Although I did get a mail order frog with nine legs sent to me, it's fantastic.

GLENN: It is just yet another miracle of the Soviet empire. Yeah! Comrade?

STU: Yes, commie?

GLENN: So I'm reading the Pravda West.

STU: I love Pravda West.

GLENN: Not Pravda West far west.

STU: No.

GLENN: Just Pravda West.

STU: What's the translation into that evil capitalist English language?

GLENN: "The Boston Globe".

STU: Right.

GLENN: Pravda far west is -- let's see if I can pronounce it -- the New York Times. Comrade, there is great news.

STU: Is there?

GLENN: Great news in our far-off satellite country that will soon be a Republic. This is coming from New Hampshire. Don Schwartz -- comrade?

STU: Yes?

GLENN: I just want you to know this is not written as an op-ed piece.

STU: So this is a news story?

GLENN: This is a news story.

STU: Is this planted directly by the state, which all news should be?

GLENN: There's nothing wrong with that.

STU: No, that's the way it should be.

GLENN: So this comes from our good friend Sasha Issenberg. Sasha, our sister in arms, writes Don Schwartz, who describes himself as a super-Deaniac Progressive type. Comrade?

STU: Yeah?

GLENN: Progressive.

STU: Remember when we came up with that one? That's hilarious.

GLENN: You would never know. You never see us coming if we just call ourselves Progressives. Anyway, he decided to back Hillary Clinton. Quote, the article, whose centrist views, he concedes, do not necessarily match his own for a simple reason. He finally wanted to be with a winner. That's really what this song is all about.

STU: Winning.

GLENN: Winning.

STU: By the way --

GLENN: You'll pretty much accept anything, won you, as long as you're winning.

STU: That's the American way.

GLENN: No, comrade, no.

STU: I mean, sorry.

GLENN: That's the Soviet way.

STU: That's the Soviet way.

GLENN: By the way, Hillary Clinton, according to "The Boston Globe", has centrist views.

STU: Would you say that $5,000 to every baby that's born in your country is even left wing for us here in the Soviet Union? I think that might actually be liberal even there.

GLENN: Comrade?

STU: Yes?

GLENN: May I just remind you that if you take this flippant view to her views, it may not bode well for you in your future?

STU: That's a very good point.

GLENN: Centrist, wouldn't you say?

STU: She is very centrist.

GLENN: When Schwartz, the vice chairman of the Len anyone Democratic committee started contacting his neighbors with a goal of 100 per week, he thought he would have to appeal to respect for her rather than affection. But the vice chairman of the Democratic committee said he was actually surprised how many people said they were for Hillary.

STU: Wow. There's a source for ya.

GLENN: That's the source.

STU: That's where you are going to get the truth about Hillary.

GLENN: That's right, directly from the party, comrade.

STU: Yes, party, from the state, to the party, to you. That's the order of power.

GLENN: So he started to contact his neighbors with the goal of reaching 100 people per week and he thought he would have to appeal to their respect but, quote, I was actually surprised to see how many people were for Hillary. Now they're getting to know her and they're really starting to like her. She's such a nice person.

STU: By the way, that's still a quote from the article, not part of it.

GLENN: "That reaction to the kind feelings the New York senator is able to generate." This is what they are writing. This is not an opinion. "The kind feelings the New York senator is able to generate has been a common one in New Hampshire where a range of Democrats said last week they're amazed to find themselves falling so deeply for the presidential hopeful." Let the red banner run furrow, comrade! "Yet over the summer some voters appear to have changed their minds about the senator. What would that make you think? Yet over the summer some voters appear to have changed their minds about the senator."

STU: Uh-oh, the state has got to them?

GLENN: "On the key question asked by pollsters, do you view her favorably or unfavorably, the numbers ticked in small but significant ways in Clinton's direction."

STU: Town by town right after the KGB rolled through.

GLENN: The change has surprised many polling specialists who believe that it's difficult, if not impossible to change public perception of a very well known figure. But the movement has validated a summertime charm offensive, reintroduce Clinton to voters all throughout New England."

STU: Summertime charm offensive? That sounds like a war named by our government, comrade.

GLENN: "Because Hillary Clinton is so well known as a political figure, the expectation for average voters are hard to break but she is doing it."

STU: Thank God, comrade!

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