GLENN BECK PROGRAM
BEGIN TRANSCRIPT

GLENN: From Radio City in Midtown Manhattan, hello, you sick twisted freak, welcome to the program. It is Friday, thank goodness, man. You know, stop the music for a second because I have something very important I want to share with you. All week we've been telling you about everybody's healthcare plan. I come up with my own healthcare plan and I would like to announce it now. I've been waiting all week to announce my very own healthcare plan. Here it is: Get one, you know, yourself. I know it sounds simple to a lot of people, sounds simple, but there's many points to this healthcare. Now Stu, you are looking at me like you're a skeptic on this.

STU: This sounds like a hatemonger, evil idea.

GLENN: No. It's hard to understand, get one. Get one yourself.

STU: But what if you don't have one. That's what I'm saying.

Call him crazy, but Glenn has a simple solution for the  healthcare problem in America: "I've been waiting all week to announce my very own healthcare plan. Here it is: Get one, you know, yourself."

GLENN: You should go down and get one. You should get what you can afford.

STU: I understand your point but you have to think about the people who want one but don't currently have one.

GLENN: Okay, all right, okay. For those people I think they should get one. You know, I'm going to go a step further. I'm going to -- because they are not affordable. You'll say to me, Glenn, do you have some affordable healthcare? Tort reform.

STU: I don't even -- you are using words that don't make sense.

GLENN: I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I know I'm a baker's son. I like to use the word tort.

STU: What about the, like, nine million people in America that are uninsured and make over $75,000 a year? What are you going to do for them?

GLENN: They should go out and get one, healthcare.

STU: Insurance?

GLENN: Insurance policy of some sort, $75,000 a year, they should go out and get one.

STU: But what about the other nine million people that make over $50,000 a year? What should they do?

GLENN: Those nine million people.

STU: Under your plan for those people.

GLENN: Under my plan it's very complex but let me try to break it down. Anybody who's making over $50,000 but under 75, they should go out and buy insurance.

STU: They should buy.

GLENN: They should buy insurance. Hang on. Let me just lay the whole thing out, okay? If you are -- if you make over $75,000 a year, under my plan you would buy health insurance. If you make between $50,000 and $75,000 a year, you would buy health insurance. Or get it through your employer where they're not required by law to give it to you, okay?

STU: But that doesn't make any sense. You haven't even included when the Government sells the insurance to you, what do you do?

GLENN: Stop, stop. They are not selling insurance. This is where it gets very complex and convoluted for the average listener because I know, I'm talking a lot of government-speak here. But the Government in my plan is not involved at all. Then for those who make less than $50,000, they should go out and get one. Or, or there's a choice, get the best they can afford. But here's where in my plan the Government comes in to help you. They start nailing attorneys to giant crucifixes outside of the beltway and that way we free up the doctors so they are not spending all this money on useless tests because they are not afraid of litigation and also they don't have to worry about paying these huge premiums on malpractice and so that makes -- and this is a key thing. My plan makes healthcare more affordable for those making under $50,000.

Now, I also want you to know I'm not a complete hatemonger. I mean, I have taken into account those who are not illegal aliens but are here doing jobs in the country that Americans just won't do. And under my plan for healthcare they don't get anything. They don't get anything. In fact, if they show up at the hospital, I give them the Band-Aid or the stitches or, you know, the cold medicine or whatever it is and then I say, hang on, I'm coming back, I've got to get one more Band-Aid for you and then I call immigration. And then those people, on my government healthcare plan, are shipped back home. They go directly from the emergency room back to Mexico.

STU: So it is a government plan. You are paying for their transportation.

GLENN: That's what America wants. That's what America wants. They want a Government plan. I'm giving it to you. That's my government healthcare plan, and I think it's radical. I think it's crazy. I think it's something really that only our grandparents would understand, but I'd like to propose it today.

STU: It seems like you are suggesting also in here that there's some way that you could just buy the best product available instead of having stupid government restrictions like only buy it from your own state but if you do that, how would you continue the policy of having like, for example, paying 10% more in North Dakotan in South Dakota for the exact same thing because there's a dumb government restriction? How do you continue that going?

GLENN: That doesn't. That doesn't. And here's something else that might -- my health plan does. It relieves the average overburdened forgotten American, you know, the poor, the tired, the huddled masses. It relieves them of the burden of someone also using them to just gain power, see, because my plan works on the theory that if you're poor and you're a huddled mass, first of all put the doughnut down, fat boy. But if you're a huddled mass, you are being used by politicians and so in this plan the politicians won't have anything -- they have to keep you hungry under everybody else's plan, or sick. In my plan you don't have to be sick because you're not getting squat from me.

STU: I don't think this is going to --

GLENN: And so I don't need you, you don't need me. I just clear the path of the weasels in front of you that are trying to keep you down and trying to keep you in poverty.

STU: But how exactly would you make sure that we can wait for, say, 18 weeks for heart surgery when --

GLENN: I can't. I can't. In my plan -- and that is the down side. In my plan if you need heart surgery, you are most likely going to get it right away, right away. You could walk in today --

STU: What if you have other things scheduled?

GLENN: If you have other things scheduled, you'd have to cancel them.

STU: Cancel my appointments? Now the government is telling me I have to cancel my appointments.

GLENN: But it is, under my plan I call the -- it's the Glenn Beck choices plan.

STU: Ooh, I like that word, choices?

GLENN: Choices.

STU: I have choices?

GLENN: You have choices. You cannot cancel your other things that you had during the day and then probably drop dead at 5:00, or you could have the heart surgery.

STU: But can I choose to waiting 18 weeks for the surgery?

GLENN: You could. You could say I'm busy today.

STU: What if I'm dead in 17 weeks?

GLENN: This plan does not -- and that's a flaw of the plan, I'll admit. Does not cover dead people.

STU: So basically what you're saying is your health plan will kill people, you're a murderer, just to summarize?

GLENN: I call it my freedom to prosper or to die health plan. That's what it is. You have the freedom prosper, have your own money, make your own choices. What I like to think of as making your bed and then lying in it. Think of it as a hospital bed. Making your own bed and lying in it.

STU: But you are at least paying for that bed for me to lie in, right?

GLENN: No. You've paid for it and you've made it.

STU: This doesn't make any sense.

GLENN: You've made it. You've taken out the hammer and nails or the welding equipment and made your own bed.

STU: But how do I know, this is all well and good and yeah, we might pay less and people have socialized medicine, is that you might travel here for their healthcare and yes, they might have to back up their crappy healthcare with other healthcare. But the thing is with your plan, how do I know government cares about me?

GLENN: Here, here, here's how government -- here's this. Thank you for asking that. Thank you for asking that. Thank you for asking that question, Mr. Constituent.

STU: Thank you.

GLENN: Because I -- this plan addresses that. The way the Government -- you know that the Government cares and I care about you is the fact that I'm not going to be in every decision in your life. You know what I mean? I'm like, this plan, this plan equates government, government officials and politicians with relatives that you only see once a year, that when they show up, you're like, oh, crap, they're here. This plan has the relative health plan approach and that is, we don't cover your relatives, but we look at us politicians as relatives that you don't want to see. So we stay out of your life, you see. And it also, it does have -- it's a health savings program, okay? And what the government is doing is encouraging you to save for a rainy day because you may have to -- you know, you may be doing things, you know, everything's great now but, you know, hey, rain comes in everybody's life. You know what I mean? And you're going to have to face a rainy day and so the Government -- my plan has laid out a rainy day period in it.

STU: There's a provision for that?

GLENN: There's a provision.

STU: What happens?

GLENN: The Government comes out at the beginning. As soon as my plan is enacted -- it's not going to be phased in. It's just tomorrow.

STU: Okay.

GLENN: As soon as my health plan is enacted, I say to you, you know what? There's probably going to be a rainy day in the future. You should probably not buy the stuff you can't afford and you should put some of that into a savings program and save some of that money. And I'm going to go the extra mile. I'm going to cut your taxes because I'm cutting some of the other needless crap that frankly I don't think we even need to talk about. I'm just cutting some of this extra crap and so you're going to pay lower taxes. So you'll have more money. And you should save for a rainy day and then if something happens, then, you know, use your own money.

STU: This is the problem. When you say save your money for healthcare.

GLENN: Yeah.

STU: And things for a rainy day, something that may be a problem, what you're missing is I can't save that money because I need it to make the credit card payments on the TV and the computer that I just bought.

GLENN: Yeah.

STU: So you don't even address that. How does the Government get me to the place that I have the computer and the TV?

GLENN: That's very good. That's very good. That's very good.

STU: And the health insurance, and the retirement.

GLENN: It's very good. I've already got all of that.

STU: And all the roads.

GLENN: I've got all of that.

STU: And all the other programs that I need.

GLENN: I got it right there. I got it right there.

STU: And that station Miami that broadcasts to Cuba.

GLENN: This is great, this is great. The Government is going to provide for common defense, okay?

STU: Now you're talking -- that's something that we need, yeah.

GLENN: Common defense, going to do that. And it's going pay for the roads.

STU: Yeah.

GLENN: Because you've got to get to work.

STU: Or I can't get money to save.

GLENN: Got to do that. We're going to work on the police thing. We're going to help education by giving you the right to go to a school, school of your choice. I don't care what school it is. You should probably get educated.

STU: We should get back to that. You should tell me exactly what school to go to. I would like that if you just told me exactly what address.

GLENN: Yeah, I can't. So, you know, we're going to encourage education by saying, hey, dummy, we're not going to carry you around for the rest of your life, you know, if you're a failure and you didn't get an education. I got no money for you. So you should think about reading a book! That's part of this healthcare plan. And that way we cut your taxes. So if you wanted to buy a TV, you could go buy that TV. If you can afford to buy that TV, you shouldn't because there's not really -- you know, you go to church but, you know, if you're like, whoa, boy does this suck. I bought a bunch of TVs that I can't really afford. Now I don't have any money left and I can't afford anything. Then, you know, you go to church. And, you know, the priest sits down with you and says what's going on. And you say, Father, I can't make my TV payments. And then the church can say to you, you should probably sell your TVs.

STU: Yeah, but what the priest doesn't understand is I can't watch the TVs if I've sold them to someone else. How am I going to view all the TVs, the quote/unquote bunch of TVs I purchased if they are not in my home?

GLENN: Don't know. Don't know.

STU: You don't -- see, you're not addressing this. This is not a comprehensive plan. What if I'm an illegal alien with a bunch of TVs that I want to watch and I also want to have health -- I want to have surgery at the same time as I'm watching them? What are you going to do for me?

GLENN: I'm going to ship you back to Mexico because I bet you can get really, really good surgery. I'll bet they pour whiskey right on your stomach as they cut you open. Seriously, that way, then you get the surgery and you get booze. You get drunk without even tasting it because they're just pouring whiskey. You know the guy smoking a cigar: Give me a knife and some whiskey; boil some water, I've got to cut this guy open. And then he does it and you get drunk just without even tasting it. You are not even drinking it. You are getting surgery and drunk at the same time, in Mexico. Congratulations. You got that. And I'm going to let you have it. I'm not going to stop you from taking it. I'm going to say, you know what, damn it, it's your country and that's a good thing. Congratulations. I don't want it, but that's your country and when you decide to change it, that's great. Otherwise go get drunk on an operating table because your doctor already is. Do you know what I'm saying?

Now look, Mr. Constituent, I know this is very hard for you to understand.

STU: Because I'm an undecided voter.

GLENN: I know, it's very hard for you to understand but I'm just, I'm trying to help out.

STU: What if I have this alcohol drink through my stomach.

GLENN: Yes.

STU: And I become an alcoholic, how much is the Government going to give me to treat that disease?

GLENN: In Mexico?

STU: Yes.

GLENN: None.

STU: None?

GLENN: Not in Mexico, no.

STU: None dollars?

GLENN: No, I'm not going to give you any dollars in Mexico, or pesos in Mexico. That's because my healthcare stops at the border. You see what I mean? If you are an American citizen and you are getting drunk on the operating table, here in America, that's where my healthcare system kicks in. You become an alcoholic because you're drunk on an operating table in the United States and you're an American citizen, that's when my plan comes into effect.

STU: This is kind of off the topic, but how do you feel about chips and queso?

GLENN: I think they're great.

STU: What if I eat --

GLENN: You're not going to ask how much does my healthcare plan --

STU: Oh, yeah, yeah. Well, first of all, do I get chips and queso on your health plan?

GLENN: No.

STU: None?

GLENN: None.

STU: What if I get heart disease from eating too much and then I need surgery? How much do you pay me?

GLENN: Sucks to be you.

STU: How much does this comprehensive plan, how much does that cost me, the taxpayer, the constituent, the undecided voter?

GLENN: None, none.

STU: So it's free healthcare, like Michael Moore?

GLENN: Absolutely free healthcare.

STU: See, now you are speaking my language. So I don't ever have to pay to anything?

GLENN: No, you pay it to the private people but not to the Government, none.

STU: But it's costing.

GLENN: You still didn't ask how much, I've got an alcoholic plan -- if your belly's cut open by a big doctor smoking a cigar, here in the United States, you're a United States citizen and you're drunk on the operating table. You're having heart surgery.

STU: Yes.

GLENN: You still haven't asked how much I cover, in my health plan because I've got that right -- I've got it in my policy, in my healthcare plan. That's how comprehensive this thing is. Look, it's on Page 486. It's Paragraph 6, Subsection 9. Got it?

STU: Subsection 8?

GLENN: 9, 9. See, look, right there. Got it?

STU: Yeah.

GLENN: This is how much it covers.

STU: So nothing?

GLENN: Not a dime, not a dime. See you later, wino.

STU: You said Section 9.

GLENN: You should winos. It just says beat it, drunk, you get nothing, wrong choice. Maybe you should have applied yourself.

STU: Okay, we're back to the feeling state. How am I supposed to feel good about the Government?

GLENN: I don't know. I don't know about you but I'd feel fantastic about the Government if that were the universal health plan. And yes, elect me and that's exactly what you get.

END TRANSCRIPT

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