John Kerry Longface Project Update

Final Project Longface Update
Updated November 12, 2004

Free Video: Project Longface We have a short video clip from the soon to be released 'Project Longface' DVD. Thanks to the Project Longface team for sending this in.

I think everybody realizes by now that the giant John Kerry Wafflehead delivered the state of Ohio to President Bush. The Wafflehead and its volunteers were tireless in their efforts, touring the greater Columbus, Ohio area from 7:30am - Midnight on Election Day.

We had rain, we had Stu, we had angry Kerry supporters, we had a car accident - but nothing could deter us from our goal of disenfranchising as many voters as we could. And we succeeded!

We rallied at a Waffle House, a gym, a fire station, a suburban parking lot, a busy shopping mall, a school, and a restaurant. Even after all this activity, a couple of purple hearts, and stops at a couple of bars on the way home, the Wafflehead remains intact and in excellent condition. In fact, it's up for sale on eBay for the collector of political memorabilia who appreciates its magnificence.

As the project manager, I'd just like to thank all the volunteers, supporters, and people we stranded in traffic for their contributions to Project Longface. I received a couple of marriage proposals, but my husband won't let me accept. Just know you'll always be in my hearts.

We are currently developing an official documentary of Project Longface. For more information, photos and videos, visit the official website of Project Longface at www.beggarchooser.com.

It says a lot about a country when over 30 people come together with the common goal of constructing a 12ft bobbling head made out of waffles. God Bless America.

Carol Lynne

John sent in this picture of Stu intimidating voters in Columbus, Ohio.

The John Kerry Waffle Head took on hazardous conditions during it's last tour of duty. Thanks to Wendy for sending in this picture.

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Giant Waffle Float Rolling Through Columbus A float that didn't make it in The Ohio State University homecoming parade drew cheers from President George W. Bush's supporters Wednesday at Capital University in Columbus. A giant head made out of waffles in the likeness of Sen. John Kerry was commissioned by the Glenn Beck radio program and will be driving around Columbus prior to the Nov. 2 election. The float blows steam out its "ears" and is mounted on a swift boat.

Project Longface: The Wafflehead's Maiden Voyage

The giant John Kerry Wafflehead made its maiden voyage out from its secure, undisclosed location in Columbus, Ohio, on Wednesday morning, October 27th, in order to attend a Flip Flop and Waffle Breakfast at Capital University, organized by Students for Bush.

As the project manager of Columbus Project Longface, I hardly slept the evening of the 26th...it was like Christmas Eve! And I couldn't get that darn Wafflehead theme song out of my head.

Volunteers met at the bunker at 7:00am and prepared the Wafflehead for its journey. As luck would have it, it was raining on and off, heavily at times. This would be a true test of the Wafflehead's courage and endurance. No one likes soggy waffles; no one at all.

We emerged from the bunker at 7:30am, spreading our message of disenfranchisement, indecision, and UN love to the Columbus rush-hour crowd. I think I shed a tear when we finally hit the streets. Our Wafflehead, this painful labor of love, was finally spreading its wings and soaring into the consciousness of voters everywhere.

We had a "Kerry-van" of about six vehicles accompanying the float. Four key vehicles had handheld radios so we could communicate about traffic and potential threats. We also used the radios to sing songs, pinpoint pedestrian targets, and impersonate John Kerry. Great fun. If we had had more time, we might have been able to solve the Mideast peace crisis.

We immediately made fast friends with fellow Bush supporters, receiving horn honks, high fives, thumbs-up, and clapping. We had our picture taken many times with cell phones. One woman traveled half a mile with us up the street, then turned around and waved and cheered us going back the other way. A man stopped trying to open his umbrella so he could watch the Wafflehead pass. A postman stood with a handful of mail, staring. People just couldn't get enough of the Wafflehead!

Um, that is, except Kerry supporters. Those loyal to Senator Kerry refused to look at the Wafflehead, which means (1) they were ignoring it out of protest, or (2), they were strangely comfortable with a 12ft giant John Kerry Wafflehead in a swift boat, traveling through Columbus at 8:45 in the morning. We may never know. They shall probably never speak of the incident.

And then, our hour of darkness arrived. After a routine stoplight, the Wafflehead gently leaned forward and "sunk" down towards the swiftboat. We needed to take immediate action; we needed to save our swift boat captain. Acting with efficiency, precision, and haste, our caravan pulled off the streets and into the parking lot of an Italian restaurant to survey the damage. First reports from the field were not good. We were going to need a welder.

Further examination of the destruction produced a brighter picture, and our maintenance crew sprung into action to repair the Wafflehead and get it back on the streets! Capital University students were waiting for us, along with television crews. We would not miss our chance for a political photo-op!

So about an hour later, the Wafflehead hit the streets, with a little less wobble in his waffle. The second leg of our journey took us into a hostile area of town and past a Kerry-Edwards campaign office. An enemy combatant in a white van bearing a "Bush Lied" sticker first tried to stop the float from progressing, then crossed over into my lane and tried to run me off into the median. We remained strong and steadfast in our mission, however, and arrived at our destination cheerful and full of promise, if just a bit jaded to the goodness of our fellow man.

We turned into the university parking lot at 10:40am, while two students wearing giant foam flip flops greeted us, bobbing and dancing alongside the float as we approached our cheering supporters. The crowd erupted as we eased to a stop, and one of our volunteers announced, "I'm John Kerry, and I'm reporting for duty!" We quickly turned on our audio to "The Ultimate Kerry Ad," the Wafflehead theme song, and the theme song from "Flipper." Flashbulbs popped.

People posed with the Wafflehead. Donations flowed. Friendships were made.

And then we went inside and ate waffles because...well, we were hungry.

 - Carol

Updated - October 25th

Updated - October 18th

Here is the latest update from Carol in Columbus...

The first photo shows the BIG moment of mounting the wafflehead to the swift boat. That's a French flag flying proudly at the helm, and a flag of surrender next to it. Notice the foam near the front of the boat, simulating waves crashing as the boat glides through the water. Marvel at our attention to detail!

Here is the second photo and it shows some added facial features. That's a huge flip flop in front of his face.

Updated - October 11th

From Carol in Columbus...

The first shows the trailer and "swift boat," with the wafflehead FRAME hoisted on top. It will be covered with foam and made to resemble Kerry next weekend.

The second is of the huge flip flop feet. The feet will be painted and flip flop straps will be added next weekend.

Oh, the glory. Everybody has done a lot of work, and they're having a ball. Each panel on the trailer will be covered with Kerry's positions (well, the best we can tell). A propeller will be added. We'll be handing out waffles. The possibilities just don't end.

Regards,
Carol