I’m writing this column as the Britney Spears special on ABC flashes across one of our studio monitors at work. If ever there was a poster child for the screwed up sexual persona of the x-generation Britney is it! She can’t figure out if she’s the world’s horniest stripper or just a 21 year-old having a rebellious snit.

And did you read what she told the BBC? She actually believes that she is a role model for the younger generation. Britney, my dear, you’ve been snorting Tinker Bell’s fairy dust far too long. You are a role model like Madonna is the next great children’s book author. You both believe you can just wave your magic wand and all of your public deeds will be erased from the slate as the new, softer, more introspective image takes form.

No, my child, you are an entertainer! You are a product of marketing guru’s who have figured out how to use you, sex you up, flash and giggle your way into young men’s fantasies. You have no idea about the basic needs of most humans because you have everyone serving you and doing whatever it takes to please you. You have the depth of a puddle on a city street. Your dance routines are little more than timed spandex orgasms, mixed with streaked eye make-up and ratty blond locks. And the infamous Madonna kiss? You put it best, “When someone tells me not to do something, I do it. That’s just my rebellious nature. It was like kissing my grandmother.” Huh? You close your eyes and pucker and stick out your tongue when you visit your grandmother? Good night is she out of touch.

I can just hear it now. Britney and her publicist! “Britney! You’ve got to branch out! We need a little more rebellion. This Disney thing is old. Grow up. You’re 21 now. The average 21 year old female has had at least a dozen different sex partners. You want to preserve your spot in music history you’ve got to sex ‘em up. Your songs are mediocre at best. But your body? Now, there’s the ticket”

Actually, I don’t despise Britney. What I hate is this notion that being good and clean and decent condemns you as an entertainer. Our pop culture insists that to stay on top you have to keep ‘em guessing. That’s what Britney is doing to the best of her ability, or at least that’s what she thinks she is doing.

In reality, Britney is trying to grow up and stumbling and struggling along the way. She hasn’t figured out if she is a sexual being or being sexual. She wants the best of both worlds and will end up possessing neither. She wants to be the voice of this generation but hasn’t the faintest what this generation is all about. Her song themes are flat because most teen and young girls aren’t as preoccupied with indulgences as she is. They are worried about homework and careers and friendships and family and, yes, how they look to some special guy out there. I know, because I have two wonderful daughters who think Britney is a glorified slut. To them, she represents all that’s wrong with our world today; glamour without beauty; image without substance; unbridled ego without discipline; seductive purposeless bait on a marketers hook.

Britney was right about one thing. She told the BBC, “parents… in the end they shouldn’t be concerned because they should trust their kids and believe in their kids.” I do, which is why Britney Spears impresses me as much as, let’s say, the Maytag repair man.

Al Ruechel, Copyright 2003, All Rights Reserved

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